juan

Ang laki-laki mo na.

'Yan ang madalas na marinig ko sa mga reunion. Lagi-lagi na lang, na parang nagugulat ang mga nakatatanda na hindi na kami ung mga sanggol na kinakarga-karga nila, o ung batang uto-uto na hinahalik-halikan nila kapalit ng kendi.

Na para bang sila lang ung tumatanda.

Aray.

Kwento ng nanay ko, nung bata daw ako, hindi ako umiiyak pag iniiwanan sa school; 'di kagaya nung mga bata na mawala lang sa paningin ang yaya eh humahagulgol na. Hindi din daw ako mahilig umiyak 'pag umaalis sila at yaya lang ang kasama ko sa bahay. Sia pa daw ung naiiyak 'pag naiisip niya na iiwanan niya 'ko. Naman. Kailan ko natutunan na masakit palang iwanan, kung gano'n? Kailan ko nga ba nalaman na hindi lahat nadadaan sa Hi-C at Hi-Ro?

Kanina hinatid ko ung kapatid kong mas bata sa may gate. May duty sa ospital. Tulog pa kasi ung maid kaya ako muna taga-lock. Pasado alas-kuwatro pa lang, ah. Sa loob-loob ko. Maaga pa. Hindi ba delikado?

Maaga pa. Teka, wala pa tayong bente-kuwatro oras magkasama. Weekends nga lang ako umuuwi dito, aalis ka na ka'gad?

Maaga pa. Tara, mag-laro muna tayo. Monopoly? Scrabble? Tong-its? Pusoy dos? O2 jam? Naalala mo ung power pusoy? Ung super-power-pusoy-dos-its? Biernes santo nung nakaraang taon natin na-imbento un. Wala si mama, kumpleto tayong magkakapatid dito; kasama rin natin ung boyfriend ni ate tsaka ang paborito nating pinsan.

Maaga pa. Kumain ka na ba? Almusal muna tayo. Kape? Naalala ko ung mga gabi na sabay tayo nagpupuyat para sa school. Naalala ko ung mga merienda natin pag bakasyon, o kaya pag kumpleto tayong magkakapatid. Ako ung taga-brew ng kape, ikaw ung taga-bili ng merienda o kaya si ate magluluto, o kaya pag tinatamad ka eh ung bunsong kapatid natin ang napagdi-disketahan natin utusan. Naalala ko rin nung ikaw pa ung bunso. Ewan ko ba kung ba't hindi tayo magka-sundo-sundo dalawa no'n. Habulan sa hagdan, kurutan, pati boxing natutunan ko dahil sa'yo. Lahat na yata nang sakitan. Pati ung pag-tulak mo sa'kin sa hagdan, naalala ko pa. Iyak ako ng iyak no'n, plakda sa garahe. Natatawa na lang ako ngayon. Ang sagwa kung gano'n pa rin tayo, no? Buti na lang hindi na. Ayaw na ayaw kitang nakikita dati. Umiinit ulo ko. 'Di ko akalain, mami-miss rin pala kita.

Maaga pa. Mag-kwentuhan muna tayo. Kamusta ka na?

Ang laki-laki mo na.

galle.

Awaken me from supposed sweet slumber

Let my passion once more arise

To You I'll cling and run and stay and die

Fill me with You -

Save me from this supposed life.

day 6

Shadows. Lots and lots of shadows. Chasing. One by one chasing. Haunting.

I want some water.

tatay stuff

It's my dad's birthday next week. How come I'm not excited?

When I was a kid, we'd often have those dinner bash to celebrate that. Food would be overflowing, and to say that the cases of beer would be overflowing would be such an understatement. There'd be a banner hanging in the middle of our ground floor sala, "Happy Birthday Boss James", in bold, and every employee and friend would sign it. He'd have friends over our Sct. Gandia home and they'd have great food and greater amounts of alochol to celebrate his birthday, with people who calls him boss. Friends were an important factor in his life, you see. I guess it's hereditary and very much evident.

Everyone was happy.

And yeah, we've had family dinners too, although I can't exactly remember every birthday dinner 'cause he brought us out a lot.

Now I'd have to think of some new way to celebrate his birthday this year, aside from the dinner.

It's been almost five years. I'm still wishing he didn't die that time.

I guess I'd have to celebrate with some grabbed memory

about last night,

We were having dinner. It was a nice one. A nice dinner with him.

Nice should be relative. It's supposed to be relative. How come I know (or I knew) that the dinner was nice when it was the first time I've had dinner with him? I mean dinner with them.

Supposedly there were 7 of them, minus him. How come I only saw a couple or three of them? But I'm certain there were seven of them there. I know I had dinner with eight.

I can't recall what we were talking about, though.

Sad.

But I know I had dinner with them. Funny that he actually fit in that tree house. He did actually fit well in that table intended for 7. And the chair. Ooh. That tiny chair. With all that jolly-ness and beard? Not to mention the belly and the red felt-like, uhm, clothes? Hah. Yeah. He did fit well.

How come Grumpy wasn't so grumpy when he was there? Was Grumpy there? He should've been there. I know the seven of them were complete. Yeah. Grumpy was there. And Sneezy. And Doc. Can't remember the other names, though. Maybe I would remember all seven names if we'd have dinner again later.

And yeah, maybe Santa would be there again.

langdetan

I just noticed something. People rant when they can't find anything to talk about - they find things to complain about. We find things to complain about. Is that even healthy?

People seem to have a habit of whining.

Does the grumbling kind actually assume that their thoughts are more profound than the thoughts of a sunny-ly dispositioned person?

Terrible. Terrible.